Mediation — conciliation,
intermediary work in conflicts

When conflicts, stuck points or life situations arise in a relationship in which the parties already find it hard to understand each other, mediation helps so that disputes do not deepen the distance further, but a genuine dialogue can take place and the partners can find shared solutions with which both of them can be satisfied.

Many people think of mediation only in the case of divorce, yet in many relationships mediation can serve precisely to settle and strengthen the relationship. It may be that the parties find it hard to speak calmly with one another, or cannot find common ground on an important question — for example child-rearing or finances. The mediator can then help them discuss in a meaningful way what causes so much tension for both of them in everyday life.

In the case of divorce, the mediator can help the process be less tense, bitter or destructive — especially when children are involved. Mediation begun in order to settle a relationship, meanwhile, offers a chance for the parties to find their way back to each other, communicate more clearly and ultimately build a more cooperative relationship.

Certain family and kinship conflicts can be particularly difficult to resolve because the parties do not simply have a current disagreement; rather, these are long-standing relationships that may involve past grievances, differing expectations, and, in many cases, significant emotional involvement. Moreover, the parties in conflict often remain in contact with each other even after the dispute is over, meaning they do not only have to agree on a single specific issue—they must also regulate the manner of their continued cooperation.

Family or kinship mediation can take place in a variety of situations. Examples include disagreements regarding the care of an elderly or sick family member, conflicts related to inheritance or shared property, questions concerning the distribution of roles and tasks within the family, or issues related to children and grandchildren on which family members cannot agree.

The same criteria apply to the role of the mediator here as in couples mediation: they ensure the framework of the process, facilitate communication, etc., but it is not their job to decide who is right, nor do they make decisions on behalf of the parties.

The goal of mediation is not to change the parties' opinions of each other, nor to achieve complete agreement on everything, but rather to enable them to develop a solution for the given situation that all parties consider acceptable and feasible. Therefore, family mediation does not require processing every past grievance (though better understanding each other's perspectives may bring a certain easing of the relationship as well), but rather aims to enable the parties to resolve those specific questions in the current, concrete situation that caused the conflict to develop between them.

A mediator cannot take on family therapy tasks. If the conflict is rooted in relational or psychological problems that require deeper processing, a different type of professional help may be warranted. Family therapy and mediation do not exclude each other—nor do they replace one another.

The clash of different opinions and interests can be a natural byproduct of the operation of a community or organization—this does not necessarily mean a functional disorder. Difficulties are more likely to arise if one or another conflict persists for a long time and hinders cooperation, or if it escalates to such an extent that those involved can no longer meaningfully discuss the problems with each other.

Community and organizational mediation provides an opportunity for the parties involved in a conflict to try to resolve their disagreements with the help of a neutral and impartial third person. The mediator does not decide who is right, does not take sides, and naturally does not make decisions on behalf of the participants. Using their professional toolkit, the mediator helps the parties articulate their own perspectives, needs, and interests, understand the other party's position, and, with the help of this information, more effectively identify the specific problems behind the conflict.

In the case of an organizational conflict, this may mean resolving conflicts between colleagues, between a manager and a subordinate, or within a group or organizational unit. Community mediation, on the other hand, can take place in situations such as when a lasting disagreement develops among members of a residential community, civil community, or another cooperating community.

The goal of organizational or community mediation is not necessarily to eliminate all personal friction between the parties, but rather to reach an orderly and workable agreement on the issues that require their cooperation. This may include, for example, who will take on what tasks in the future, what communication rules they will follow in their interactions with one another, and how they will handle similar situations that might arise again in the future.

Mediation is effective, but it is not suitable for every conflict situation. In cases of significant power imbalance, unilateral vulnerability of one of the parties, or abuse, a different type of professional or organizational intervention may become necessary.