Questions and answers

Does a counselling psychologist give advice?

I can talk through my problems with my friends too. Why would I go to a psychologist?

Without wishing to diminish the very important supportive role that friends or even close family members play in our lives, it can be stated that we can have very different kinds of conversations about the same problem with a friend or family member than with a trained professional. Let us review a few aspects of why this is the case.

Friends and family members are present in our lives for the long term, whereas a psychologist plays a role only during a shorter phase of our lives, and both the client and the psychologist are well aware of this. When the counseling process comes to an end, the relationship between the psychologist and the client concludes as well.

With a psychologist, there is no need to worry about them potentially getting offended because we forgot to ask them how they are doing... whereas a friend may rightfully expect interest in each other's affairs to be mutual. Similarly, a friend or family member might feel hurt if we do not follow their advice, whereas for a psychologist, respecting the client's decision-making autonomy is one of the most important foundational principles.

With a psychologist, one can talk about any problem—even one that might seem strange or shocking to a friend or family member (or so we assume), and therefore we would be reluctant to share it with them.

Confidentiality is a professional requirement for a psychologist. There are no such requirements toward a friend or family member. Although in most cases those close to us also respect our secrets, the professional ethical rules applying to psychologists provide an extra guarantee for this beyond personal trust.

A conversation with a psychologist takes place along predetermined goals, in which the psychologist's participation is shaped by professional guidelines. Their responses, questions, and verbal feedback are all subordinated to the goal of supporting the client as fully as possible in what they came to them for. 

The psychologist shares only as many of their thoughts and feelings as they believe, at the given stage of the counseling process, is acceptable to the client and serves their best interests. Although a conversation with a psychologist may seem "just a conversation" on the surface, it actually creates an opportunity for the professional, adapting to the client's communications, to help the client put their problems or life events in a different light at the right moments by introducing a new perspective or, say, a thought-provoking question.

The psychologist, although adopting an accepting attitude toward their client, is not biased in the way friends or family members are. That is why their feedback often holds up a clearer mirror and represents a more unambiguous confrontation—or, conversely, is less harsh or expectation-driven. 

 The psychologist turns to their client with empathy, but maintains a certain emotional distance throughout—this provides the guarantee for the client, for instance, that any strong emotions they might have welling up will not sweep the psychologist away, but that the psychologist will be able to support them as a secure anchor in experiencing and processing those emotions.

We could list further differences between conversations with friends and with a professional, but it is probably evident from the above: conversations with a psychologist follow a different script and have a different purpose than friendly conversations. Counseling takes place within defined temporal and relational frameworks, and provides an opportunity to create a different kind of trust and a different sense of security.

What happens in the sessions?

The first session is primarily an opportunity to get to know each other and jointly review what question, difficulty, or life situation you have arrived with. We also talk about what you would like to achieve during the counseling process.

The next few sessions are about building trust and thoroughly thinking through the client's life situation and problems. During this time, or shortly thereafter, we jointly determine the focus that is worth working on.

When someone visits a psychologist, it is not necessary to tell everything about oneself on the first occasion; in fact, later on, during the counseling process, you have the right to decide when and how much you would like to share about a given topic. The big picture will gradually become clearer during our collaborative work anyway.

The sessions basically consist of conversations. The psychologist can assist the conversation with questions, summaries, feedback, and—matching the set goals—various psychological methods and exercises.

Counseling is joint work, for which the psychologist provides the professional framework and support, while you actively participate both in gaining a deeper understanding of your own situation and in searching for possibilities for change. We shape the frequency of the sessions and the duration of the process accordingly.

Sessions are never completely identical; their "rhythm" and structure can change, and their mood or intensity may also vary. This is because we do not follow a pre-written script; rather, a unique process is created in mutual cooperation, tailored to the given client's needs, pace of progress, and readiness to absorb information. It may happen that you leave a session enriched with a new perspective, while at other times it becomes more important to thoroughly explore a pressing current difficulty.

What does psychological confidentiality mean?

Confidentiality is a fundamental professional and ethical requirement of psychological practice. A psychologist's work is subject to a professional duty of confidentiality, the exact boundaries of which are defined by legislation and professional regulations. In short, this means that the psychologist will not speak to others about what was said during the counseling without the client's consent.

The professional duty of confidentiality has certain limits defined in laws and professional rules. Therefore, before starting our joint work, it is worth clarifying the exact framework regarding psychological confidentiality—something I pay special attention to.

Do psychological counselling and psychotherapy mean the same thing?

I am afraid the psychologist will judge me, or think badly of me, if I tell them my problem

This is a very understandable and natural fear.

It might seem like an unusual or downright strange thought for someone to talk about the details of their private life or difficulties to a stranger. Or perhaps you feel that you have made mistakes in certain areas throughout your life, and this will cast a bad light on you. But it is also possible that someone has rarely experienced others relating to what they say in a supportive and non-judgmental way throughout their life so far. There are even times when someone simply finds it difficult to talk about themselves—and what's more, they might frequently face criticism for this from those close to them.

The psychologist does not judge (only) because an accepting, non-judgmental attitude is an important prerequisite and expectation of professional work, but because their attention is taken up by entirely different matters during the sessions. They direct their energy toward understanding what is happening to you, what is going on inside you. They are interested in what feelings, circumstances, and thoughts lie behind the difficulties you have outlined, and—if you wish to change them—what options you have for change.

It is important to know that part of a psychologist's professional training is being able to start working with clients who find it harder to talk about themselves or who arrive with concerns or reservations about the situation. Clients with similar worries come to me as well. Typically, during the first few sessions, these fears gradually fade away under the influence of what is experienced during the sessions.

I would like to ask for psychological help, but I do not want to tell everything about myself in the sessions. Can I still apply?

Yes.

To begin psychological counseling, it is not necessary to tell everything about yourself right away in order for us to start thinking together about what brought you to seek help.

Building trust is a gradual process, and it is completely fine if there are topics you do not wish to talk about during the first sessions. At the same time, psychological counseling is built on cooperation. For the psychologist to see clearly how and in what form they can best help you professionally, and to ensure we work within a framework that truly suits you, it is worth sharing some basic information. The main goal is not to uncover every detail, but to establish a starting point from which we can safely move forward with steps that promote your mental balance and development.

An important aspect of counseling is that you feel safe, which is why sharing also has a natural pace. There may be questions you only want to talk about briefly at first, or for which you do not feel ready at all at a given moment. Therefore, you are completely free to say out loud if you do not want to talk about something yet. It is important that we begin to meaningfully deal with a problem only when you trust our joint work—or me personally—enough so that you do not feel defenseless or vulnerable because of self-disclosure.

It is also possible that you want to deal with a specific problem and do not wish to talk about another area of your life. This can work completely fine. As long as the two problem areas do not overlap with each other, we can respect individual preferences during the sessions.

What should I do if I cannot find my problem on the list given among the services?

The information provided on the website is not exhaustive—during their compilation, I sought to focus primarily on the most typical problem areas. However, numerous other individual life situations or difficulties may arise in which those turning to me can count on my help.

I suggest that if you find me sympathetic based on my website, but a topic in which you are looking for a specialist is not listed, please contact me so we can discuss whether, based on my professional experience, I can help in your situation.

What does “skills development” mean? How is it different from psychological counselling?

The focus of individual skill development is on developing a specifically formulated skill or skill area. Among other things, this can include assertive communication, setting boundaries, conflict management, and many other skills that can be effectively developed. (I write about this in more detail in the next section.)

Skill development does not require someone to be struggling with a serious difficulty. It is enough if someone simply wants to handle certain situations better, more routinely, and more confidently, or to prepare for an upcoming challenge in the future (such as entering the workforce, getting married, the birth of a child, etc.).

Psychological counseling, on the other hand, represents a much more comprehensive, broader-spectrum working process: this can involve understanding and correcting a life situation difficulty, deadlock, or recurring problem. It usually requires a longer period of time as well (although there are also short consulting processes lasting only a few sessions).

In skill development, we can often name a more specific development goal at the beginning, whereas during counseling, the goals and directions through which the client can reach the desired changes unfold more slowly.

Skill development is more goal-oriented and practical, but it is not a "crash course": it would be a mistake to expect to leave with a ready-made recipe book, say, a browseable collection of witty answers. True skill development means mastering perspectives, principles, ways of questioning or thinking, and attitudes that make the use of pre-manufactured, "browseable" support materials unnecessary.

In summary, therefore: there are differences between the two types of working methods, but they do not sharply separate from each other. The targeted development of a particular skill can often be part of the counseling process if it has become timely for some reason in the client's development or given life situation. And skill development can only be truly effective and personalized if we look not only at what the client wants to learn or do differently, but also at what makes it difficult for them to realize it.

Which of my skills can I develop?

Let's look at a few options:

• §  assertive communication and self-advocacy;

  §  boundary setting, defining boundaries, saying no;

  §  conflict management;

  §  recognition and regulation of emotions;

  §  empathetic skills;

  §  coping with stress;

  §  confidence-related behavioral patterns, initiative, more confident presence in social situations;

  §  decision-making and problem-solving;

  §  time management, more efficient scheduling, overcoming procrastination.

The range of skills that can be developed is very broad. Often, not just one, but several closely related skills that reinforce each other's effectiveness may be on the table. For example, if someone finds it difficult to say no, this might not just be because "I don't know how to say no," but could also stem from a fear of conflict, a need to please others, or a vaguer perception of one's own personal boundaries.

Can we work on developing several of my skills at once?

The short answer is: yes. Different skills are often closely connected to one another, so it is natural for more than one area to come up during a skill development process.

For example, boundary-setting, assertive communication, and conflict management are difficult to separate from each other. If someone wants to learn how to stand up more firmly for their own needs or perspectives, it can simultaneously become important to figure out how to express their needs clearly and free of hostility, how to say no, or how to manage the conflicts that arise from this.

At the same time, it is not worth setting many different goals all at once, because dividing your attention in too many directions scatters your energy and can drastically reduce your effectiveness. That is why it is worth defining one or at most a few priorities at the beginning and organizing the process around them. Later on, as we progress, which skill takes center stage can naturally change as well.

When is it worth taking up couple counselling?

Couples counseling is worth seeking not only when a relationship is already in a serious crisis, but much earlier—for example, when the couple experiences that it is already difficult on their own to change the dynamic that has developed between them. Regular communication difficulties or the persistent misunderstanding of each other's needs can also be sufficient reason to ask for help.

It may also be justified to seek external professional support if the couple is facing a major life change. Childbearing, becoming parents, moving, workplace changes, the rearrangement of family roles, or other important turning points can present even a well-functioning relationship with a new situation.

It is not a prerequisite for asking for help that both partners see the problems in the exact same way. Even just feeling that you keep trying to solve the same situations over and over again in a similar manner without making any progress can be an important starting point.

During the sessions, we do not look for who is at fault; instead, we examine what kinds of difficulties have arisen in the relationship and how they can be overcome. What would be needed to strengthen trust, honest communication, mutual appreciation of each other, and other positive relationship goals?

Attending couples counseling does not necessarily indicate that something is gravely wrong with the relationship. Much rather, it shows that the parties consider their relationship important and want to actively and consciously work toward making it function better.

I have a relationship problem, but my partner is not willing to see a psychologist. What should I do?

This is a situation that occurs in the lives of many couples. Relationship difficulties can be taken seriously even if the other partner does not yet wish to come to joint counseling. If only one partner undertakes psychological counseling, it is possible to work in an individual format.

Relationship topics can still come up in such cases: you can work on how you experience the situation that has developed within the relationship, what recurring patterns you experience, what you need, and what options you have for changing your own reactions or communication. An important difference, however, is that in this case, you can primarily work with your own experiences and attitudes.

We love each other, but we have communication problems in our relationship. Can we get help with this too?

Yes. Communication difficulties can be stressful even if the parties love each other, the relationship is important to them, and they fundamentally want to stay together. Unfortunately, love and good intentions alone do not guarantee that a couple can easily solve the difficulties that arise between them.

One only needs to consider that both partners arrive in the relationship with different backgrounds. It is very rare for someone to be taught how to express resentment toward their partner or how to talk effectively about sensitive topics. Many people apply methods picked up from their parents, while others formulate their thoughts in certain ways under the influence of movies and books. 

Whichever the case may be: it is possible that even remarks formulated with the best intentions become sources of severe relationship conflicts, and the parties do not understand why they constantly misunderstand each other. Couples counseling can help immensely in developing a "common language" that is clearly interpretable for both partners.

What happens (and what does not) in the sessions?

Perhaps the most important characteristic of couples counseling is that it does not look for someone to blame or hold responsible; rather, it focuses on clarifying the exact nature and causes of difficulties, and finding a solution and a way forward based on that. The psychologist does not become an ally to one or the other member of the couple, but rather an ally to both members in shaping their relationship.

With the presence and support of an outsider third person—a professional—it can become easier to articulate certain topics that do not receive enough attention in daily life or that the partners think about differently. The counselor encourages and simultaneously guides the exchange of views between the partners, and their questions help examine each problematic situation from multiple perspectives. They may also suggest exercises and tasks that can gently retune the way the partners think about their relationship or how they react to each other.

Fundamentally, therefore, we work on relationships through conversations, and perhaps exercises and tasks, just as we do for individual clients, only with more participants and touching upon different themes.

In most sessions, both partners are present, but there may be sessions when we meet with only one or the other partner in order to work through a specific difficulty with them in a targeted way.

When the whole family is affected by the difficulty – family consultations

It happens that help is sought due to the difficulty of a specific person in a family, but the situation actually affects the daily lives of the entire family. A child's behavior, conflicts between parents, a major family change, or the chronic difficulty of a family member can impact the functioning of the entire family. In such cases, it is worth examining the relationships and interactions among family members as well.

During family consultation, we focus on how the family functions in the given situation. How do they communicate with each other? What roles and expectations have developed? Where do they get stuck in cooperation? What effect does one family member's behavior have on the others, and how do their reactions reinforce or alleviate the difficult situation? Family consultation is not about scapegoating or deciding who is responsible for the situation that has developed.

Not every family member necessarily participates in the sessions every time, but we ensure that the experiences and perspectives of all involved receive emphasis. If a child is involved, we shape the framework of the consultation to suit their age and specific needs.

Family consultation is not family therapy. Sometimes a situation requires a different type or more specialized professional care—for example, in cases of chronic substance use by a family member or domestic violence. I always feed back my insights regarding this to the family.

What is mediation for?

Mediation can help the parties in a deadlocked or escalated conflict become capable once again of communicating meaningfully with each other and jointly finding realistic options to resolve the situation.

Mediation can be applied for both private individuals and organizations. It can provide assistance, for example, in family or relational conflicts, as well as in workplace, peer, leader-employee, or organizational cooperation difficulties.

Thanks to my psychological background, I am also able to pay special attention to how the emotions, communication patterns, and reactions appearing in conflicts influence the dialogue between the parties. This can be significant in ensuring that the parties not only hear the stated positions, but also better understand what lies behind them—what misunderstandings, or unsaid and unformulated needs and fears, might be present.

The goal of mediation is not (and cannot be) for either or even both of the parties to give up the aspects that are important to them. Quite the contrary: we work on giving them the opportunity to clarify these clearly and, wherever there is a reasonable possibility to do so, to find common points acceptable to both for a mutually agreeable settlement.

When is it worth taking up a mediator’s help?

Mediation is worth considering when the parties involved in a conflict find it difficult to communicate meaningfully with each other, yet it is important for them, or in their interest, to reach an orderly resolution.

To utilize mediation, it is not necessary to wait until a conflict completely sours. As a matter of principle, it is worth stepping in at as early a stage as possible—meaning well before escalating passions develop—because the chance of a successful agreement is still relatively high at that point. However, the longer we wait, the greater the chance we create for the parties to accumulate so much hurt, passion, and feelings of hopelessness that very little or no chance remains to resolve the conflict through an agreement. Of course, resolution via legal channels remains an available option even then, but in most cases, this can be prevented if help is sought in time. Furthermore, a timely initiated mediation can even help save or repair the relationship itself, beyond enabling the parties to reach an agreement on disputed issues.

Mediation can be particularly useful in situations where, despite the conflict, the parties must continue to cooperate or maintain some form of relationship in the future. For example, in a family situation, cooperation regarding shared children, or a workplace conflict where those involved must continue working in the same organization later on.

For companies and institutions, early intervention can be particularly valuable: a prolonged colleague or leader-employee conflict can affect not only the relationship of those involved, but the functioning of the entire team.

At the same time, mediation presupposes cooperation. It is not necessary for the parties to completely agree or to "reconcile," but it is important that they have at least a minimal openness to listen to each other and persistently search for a solution that both can commit to.

How is the mediation process built up, and what are its main steps?

Mediation is a structured process whose exact course depends on the given conflict and the situation of the participants. The first step of the joint work is to clarify whether mediation provides an appropriate and acceptable framework for resolving the conflict.

In the next step, participants learn about the rules of the process, the role of the mediator, and the framework for cooperation. Throughout, an important guiding principle is that the mediator does not make decisions on behalf of the parties: the participants themselves decide on the solutions to be considered for resolving the situation.

Following this, both parties have the opportunity to present their own perspective without interruption: what they see as the problem, what is important to them, and what changes they would like to see. In this phase, the mediator primarily assists with listening to one another and organizes the emerging questions. It often becomes clear here whether there are shared or compatible aspects behind seemingly irreconcilable positions that can be built upon.

This is followed by searching for and weighing alternatives, with the parties jointly looking for possible solutions. These are evaluated, refined, and examined for how practical and acceptable they are in reality. The goal is to find options that all parties involved in the conflict can accept.

If an agreement is successfully reached, the specific points of the agreement can also be recorded in writing.

It is important to be aware that not every mediation ends with a comprehensive agreement. However, the process can still bring progress even if the parties do not reach a common denominator on every issue, but see each other's perspectives and future options more clearly, or if they reach an agreement on at least some of the disputed points rather than all of them.

The duration of mediation and the number of sessions always depend on the given situation.

What is the mediator’s task?

The mediator acts as an impartial third party to assist dialogue between the parties involved in the conflict and structures the process of conflict resolution.

They are not a judge, they do not decide who is right, and they are not a representative of one party against the other. They do not give ready-made solutions, nor do they force participants into an agreement they cannot commit to. The decisions remain in the hands of the parties.

The mediator helps participants formulate their own perspectives, listen to one another, and uncover the real issues of the conflict. Through questions, summaries, and proper structuring of the conversation, they support making the true interests and needs lying behind the positions visible, because a more satisfying agreement can be reached by taking these into account.

My background in psychology also adds an approach to this work in which understanding emotions, communication, and interacting relational patterns plays an important role. In a conflict, the greatest difficulty is often not that the parties want different things, but rather how they react to each other. Recognizing and tactfully managing this can help the dialogue gradually shift from repeating mutual positions toward searching for solutions.

At the same time, the mediator does not take over the decision-making responsibility of the parties. I am responsible for the process and its professional framework, but the content of the agreement is shaped by the participants themselves.

Are there times when a mediator cannot help in resolving a conflict?

Yes.

Mediation can provide help in many kinds of conflicts, but it is not the appropriate tool in every situation. Recognizing this is just as much a part of the mediator's professional responsibility as the conflict resolution process itself. If a situation indicates psychological or other professional difficulties that go beyond the framework of mediation, it is important to recognize this in time.

Mediation requires the participants to take part in the process voluntarily and to be capable, at least to some degree, of formulating their own perspectives and listening to the other party. They do not need to agree, and it is not necessary for them to have a good relationship to begin with, but they must be capable of independent decision-making and basic cooperation.

Situations involving severe power imbalances, coercion, threats, or abuse are judged differently, as the free and safe participation of the parties cannot be ensured under such circumstances. In these cases, mediation is not the appropriate framework, and other professional or legal assistance may be warranted.

What happens at the trainings?

At a training session, we should not expect long lectures where we lean back and listen to a well-trained speaker telling us what we should be doing differently and how. At training sessions, the participants themselves think, try things out, practice, ask questions, have moments of wonder, and sometimes realize something important. As a psychologist, I also consider it important that the knowledge imparted at the trainings is backed by reliable psychological insight, but this knowledge should not appear in textbook form.

Alongside seriousness, there is also room for good humor at the trainings. Learning can happen while we think, laugh, are surprised—and occasionally realize that a particular situation can work quite differently than we previously thought. For my part, I always strive for an atmosphere that is cheerful and lighthearted, yet inspires deep and focused work.

Trainings and workshops combine various working formats. Shorter theoretical parts can be complemented by joint thinking, practical tasks, paired or small-group work, role-plays, and discussions. The exact structure is always tailored to the topic, the participants' goals, and the available time.

Depending on the topic and the group's needs, the training may include a brief theoretical introduction, joint thinking, paired or small-group exercises, role-plays, situation analysis, and processing personal experiences. Participation does not require attendees to share private, personal problems with their peers. Sometimes such sharing helps advance the collaborative work (for example, in self-awareness training), but generally, it is perfectly sufficient for participants to share their experiences and observations regarding the exercises and tasks themselves.

Who may take part in the trainings?

Briefly: those who find the topic interesting, useful, or timely.

There are training programs that individuals can apply for on their own, as well as programs tailored for specific companies, institutions, or professional communities.

Optimally, group sizes range between 8 and 12 participants, which is what we aim for when organizing trainings. It is also important that participants can be present from start to finish, and in the case of multi-day trainings, that they can attend every training day.

Participation in the trainings does not require any special prior education, exceptional public speaking skills, or prior psychological knowledge. The truly important factor is that the topic relates to the participant's own life, work, or professional goals, and that they possess curiosity for active, experience-based learning and practice.

If a specific program requires special prerequisites, age restrictions, or professional criteria, we always indicate this in the description of that particular training.

It is worth keeping in mind that the trainings are professional programs aimed at (self-)development; they do not replace individual psychological counseling or other psychological care.

I am a private individual; can I apply for a training on my own as well?

Yes. Trainings are not only created for companies and institutions: if the topic of an announced program speaks to you, you can apply as an individual.

An open training can bring together participants from various life situations and backgrounds. In fact, a mixed group can have a special value of its own. A parent with small children, a career starter, or a manager each arrive in the group with different experiences, and particularly interesting insights can emerge from these diverse perspectives.

Trainings and workshops for institutions and companies

No two institutions, organizations, or workplace collectives are completely identical—which is why no two training sessions are identical either. For this reason, training sessions and workshops designed for companies and institutions should be tailored from the outset to the specific situation, goals, and participant needs of the organization. A workshop can focus on a single, specific issue, whereas a longer training process can allow for the development of multiple skills.

Alongside classic topics (such as more effective communication, cooperation, conflict management, assertive communication, giving and receiving feedback, leadership skills, or developing team dynamics), we can also conduct specialized training tailored to the particular characteristics of a given workplace (stress management, burnout prevention, developing empathetic skills, handling complaints, etc.). The exact content is always adapted to the specific organization and group.

As a psychologist, I want to impart more than just individual techniques or communication tools. I also consider it important that people understand what is actually happening between individuals in various situations—for instance, why it is difficult to give or receive feedback, what causes a conflict to develop and how it can be prevented, or how group processes affect cooperation.

Why are there no trainings in an online format in the offer?

The online work format offers numerous advantages: travel time can be saved, finding a suitable training venue causes no extra headache, and in some cases, it is more cost-effective than programs requiring physical presence.

Yet, for trainings, I currently prefer the in-person format.

The reason for this is simple: training, to me, is not just about transferring knowledge. At least as important is what happens among the participants. A joint exercise, an unexpected realization, a successful role-play, or even a brief chat between two tasks are all vital parts of the learning process.

As a psychologist, I also consider it particularly important to observe group dynamics and interpersonal communication. A particular reaction, gesture, or spontaneous interaction often carries precisely the kind of information that aids collaborative thinking and practical learning.

This does not mean that online training has no place on the palette of development-oriented programs. There are topics and situations for which the online format can be an exceptionally good fit. However, for current trainings, I consciously choose in-person meetings because this is how I feel I can ensure the kind of collaborative work that I consider professionally important.

If an online solution would be appropriate for an organization regarding a given topic, it is worth discussing separately.